*Plane touches the ground*. >Why have you decided to visit the UK specifically?

*Plane touches the ground*
>Why have you decided to visit the UK specifically? What's wrong with Germany or Spain?
>Show me your invitation letter
>How long are you staying for?
>Why are you staying for over two weeks?
>Where is your return ticket?
>Which places will you visit? Let me see your itinerary
>Where will you be staying? Show me your hotel voucher
>How much money do you have?
>Have you paid for any health insurance?
>Have you got any family in the UK?
>What about friends?
>What do you do in your home country?
>Have you brought a copy of your job contract?
>And a copy of your tenancy agreement?
>How do I know you won't overstay your visa?
>Listen here, don't get smart with me, I know you have answered all of my questions and provided all the necessary evidence, but I'm the one calling the shots here, not you. I don't care if you're in a hurry, I have all the time in the world
>Pick up your bags and follow me, I'm going to check them for drugs
*Six hours later*
>OK sir, you may enter the UK
>We keep our borders very safe, you might not be that lucky next time

*Inflatable boat touches the ground*
>Welcome sir, we have been expecting you!
>Please follow me, we'll put you and your shipmates on the next bus to one of our most pristine rural villages
>Don't worry about it sir, we have already booked you a room in a very nice hotel, all expenses have been taken care of

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  1. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    U pre op or post op?

  2. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    just scan your passport and take your picture and you're through

  3. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    >land in UK
    >qt at immigration asks me where I've been etc
    >gets excited and talks to me about it
    >smiles and tells me to have a nice day as I go on

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      >land in UK
      >qt at immigration
      We can tell that you've never been anywhere near the UK just from these 1.5 lines

  4. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    >be British
    >wake up at sunrise to the salat al-fajr blaring through every speaker in London
    >wave at the CCTV camera while I'm taking a shower
    >eat some shakshuka for breakfast because my wife's son says breakfast needs to be more diverse
    >there's a letter in the transom saying I must pay my TV license because indoctrination isn't free
    >take the underground to work and get blown up by an innocent refugee
    >wake up in the hospital getting free healthcare
    >wave to the CCTV camera by my hospital bed
    >hospital food is harira and fried grasshoppers since it's halal
    >get a notice I have to pay for my email license
    >realize I've been circumcised while I was unconscious, Dr. Patel says it's more sanitary this way
    >Sharia Police runs into my room and demands to know why my wife's son isn't wearing a head scarf
    >try to mansplain that he's a boy
    >my wife's son says he doesn't identify that way anymore
    >Sharia Police kill everyone in the room
    >my beheaded body is paraded through the streets while everyone chants "frick white people!"
    >the Guardian and Telegraph say they're worried about my public execution because it might cause Islamaphobia
    >be buried in Highgate cemetary
    >my bones are being monitored by CCTV
    >have to renew my burial license next month

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      >be British
      >wake up at sunrise to Jerusalem blaring through every speaker in London
      >wave at the CCTV camera while I'm pissing in a pay public toilet
      >eat some beans on toast for breakfast because my wife's son says breakfast needs to be more English innit bruv
      >there's a letter in the transom saying I must pay my TV license because basic services aren't covered by progressive taxation for some reason
      >take the underground to work and get mugged by hooligans because my tie was the colour of a football club they hate
      >wake up in the hospital hallway getting told I'll be there four more hours until a doctor can see me
      >wave to the CCTV camera by my hospital bed
      >hospital food is gruel and chips since it's british innit bruv
      >get a notice I have to pay for my brexit licence
      >realize I've been circumcised while I was unconscious, Dr. Starmer says it's less antisemetic this way
      >Police run into my room and demand to know why my wife's son isn't registered for an opal card
      >try to explain that he rides a bicycle
      >Police explain they don't care, everyone must be tracked
      >Police kill everyone in the room
      >my beheaded body is paraded through the streets while everyone chants "frick European people!"
      >the Sun and Telegraph say they're worried about my public execution because it might cause anti police sentiment
      >be buried in Highgate cemetary
      >my bones are being monitored by CCTV
      >have to pay the royal family for the privilege of being buried in crown land

      Is the looking straight at the camera meme real? I know the UK is full of surveillance cameras but...

      • 1 year ago
        Anonymous

        Yes it actually is that bad.
        https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mass_surveillance_in_the_United_Kingdom

        • 1 year ago
          Anonymous

          Let me guess, the British are happy with all this Owellian bullshit.

        • 1 year ago
          Anonymous

          Let me guess, the British are happy with all this Owellian bullshit.

          What are you two morons talking about. It's only London that has excessive cameras and even then it's not even in the top 5 cities.
          https://www.comparitech.com/vpn-privacy/the-worlds-most-surveilled-cities/

          Come on folks do better

          • 1 year ago
            Anonymous

            >t. Nigel Patel

          • 1 year ago
            Anonymous

            The problem here is that they are done by overall number of cameras not by cameras per population.
            The article you cited has estimated number of CCTV cameras in China as based on lower estimates of 540m (372.8 cameras per 1,000 people) and higher estimates of 626m (432.2 per 1,000 people).
            Estimated number of cameras in the UK is 1.85m. This works out as an average of one camera for every 32 people in the UK,

          • 1 year ago
            Anonymous

            The problem here is that they are done by overall number of cameras not by cameras per population.
            The article you cited has estimated number of CCTV cameras in China as based on lower estimates of 540m (372.8 cameras per 1,000 people) and higher estimates of 626m (432.2 per 1,000 people).
            Estimated number of cameras in the UK is 1.85m. This works out as an average of one camera for every 32 people in the UK,

            This is still crazy. "We're not bad as China" is not the gotchya Brits think it is.

        • 1 year ago
          Anonymous

          Good, idiots that support tyranny in the UK should suffer

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      >be British
      >wake up at sunrise to Jerusalem blaring through every speaker in London
      >wave at the CCTV camera while I'm pissing in a pay public toilet
      >eat some beans on toast for breakfast because my wife's son says breakfast needs to be more English innit bruv
      >there's a letter in the transom saying I must pay my TV license because basic services aren't covered by progressive taxation for some reason
      >take the underground to work and get mugged by hooligans because my tie was the colour of a football club they hate
      >wake up in the hospital hallway getting told I'll be there four more hours until a doctor can see me
      >wave to the CCTV camera by my hospital bed
      >hospital food is gruel and chips since it's british innit bruv
      >get a notice I have to pay for my brexit licence
      >realize I've been circumcised while I was unconscious, Dr. Starmer says it's less antisemetic this way
      >Police run into my room and demand to know why my wife's son isn't registered for an opal card
      >try to explain that he rides a bicycle
      >Police explain they don't care, everyone must be tracked
      >Police kill everyone in the room
      >my beheaded body is paraded through the streets while everyone chants "frick European people!"
      >the Sun and Telegraph say they're worried about my public execution because it might cause anti police sentiment
      >be buried in Highgate cemetary
      >my bones are being monitored by CCTV
      >have to pay the royal family for the privilege of being buried in crown land

      Clearly the product of mothers who still drank alcohol while pregnant

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      >be British
      >wake up at sunrise to Jerusalem blaring through every speaker in London
      >wave at the CCTV camera while I'm pissing in a pay public toilet
      >eat some beans on toast for breakfast because my wife's son says breakfast needs to be more English innit bruv
      >there's a letter in the transom saying I must pay my TV license because basic services aren't covered by progressive taxation for some reason
      >take the underground to work and get mugged by hooligans because my tie was the colour of a football club they hate
      >wake up in the hospital hallway getting told I'll be there four more hours until a doctor can see me
      >wave to the CCTV camera by my hospital bed
      >hospital food is gruel and chips since it's british innit bruv
      >get a notice I have to pay for my brexit licence
      >realize I've been circumcised while I was unconscious, Dr. Starmer says it's less antisemetic this way
      >Police run into my room and demand to know why my wife's son isn't registered for an opal card
      >try to explain that he rides a bicycle
      >Police explain they don't care, everyone must be tracked
      >Police kill everyone in the room
      >my beheaded body is paraded through the streets while everyone chants "frick European people!"
      >the Sun and Telegraph say they're worried about my public execution because it might cause anti police sentiment
      >be buried in Highgate cemetary
      >my bones are being monitored by CCTV
      >have to pay the royal family for the privilege of being buried in crown land

      KEK

  5. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    what is the best place outside london in uk?

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      Depends on what ur looking for

  6. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    >be British
    >wake up at sunrise to Jerusalem blaring through every speaker in London
    >wave at the CCTV camera while I'm pissing in a pay public toilet
    >eat some beans on toast for breakfast because my wife's son says breakfast needs to be more English innit bruv
    >there's a letter in the transom saying I must pay my TV license because basic services aren't covered by progressive taxation for some reason
    >take the underground to work and get mugged by hooligans because my tie was the colour of a football club they hate
    >wake up in the hospital hallway getting told I'll be there four more hours until a doctor can see me
    >wave to the CCTV camera by my hospital bed
    >hospital food is gruel and chips since it's british innit bruv
    >get a notice I have to pay for my brexit licence
    >realize I've been circumcised while I was unconscious, Dr. Starmer says it's less antisemetic this way
    >Police run into my room and demand to know why my wife's son isn't registered for an opal card
    >try to explain that he rides a bicycle
    >Police explain they don't care, everyone must be tracked
    >Police kill everyone in the room
    >my beheaded body is paraded through the streets while everyone chants "frick European people!"
    >the Sun and Telegraph say they're worried about my public execution because it might cause anti police sentiment
    >be buried in Highgate cemetary
    >my bones are being monitored by CCTV
    >have to pay the royal family for the privilege of being buried in crown land

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      Are things really that bad over there?

  7. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    What? They just let me and my wife right in, I was there recently

  8. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    This is where a little patriotism actually comes in handy. Whenever immigration starts giving me the stink eye like they might be wondering if I’m going to overstay, I pull out the little American flag I have in my pack, hold it up and salute it and sing “proud to be an American” in full if they let me finish. About half the time I get a tear or two out too. They probably think I’m weird and or autistic but it’s worked every time, been waved right through(I think they just want to get rid of me but I’ll take it).
    >not even kidding

  9. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    are they really like that? i never had to spend more than 2-3 minutes at immigration to enter the EU (i did through poland, estonia, czechia, germany on different occasions).
    the estonian b***h (likely russian as i crossed the land border at narva) did give me a bit of the stink eye because i didn't have flight tickets back home but a bit of body language and tone to let her know i wasn't fond of the idea of staying for too long worked

  10. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    >be American
    >get shot

  11. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    >>Show me your invitation letter

    wat

    • 1 year ago
      Anonymous

      It's what people from undesirable countries have to do to get in

  12. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    >Have Scottish last name
    >land in Edinburgh
    >IO: "How long are you staying here?
    >"me: "I haven't decided yet."
    >IO: "Do you have a return ticket?"
    >"me: "No, I think I'll take that tunnel to France and fly home from there."
    >IO: "What will you do here?"
    >me: "I'm going to visit castles and historical sites."
    >IO: "Where are you staying?"
    >"me: "At a hotel somewhere in Edinburgh. I'll pick one before I leave the airport."
    >IO: "How will you support yourself?"
    >"me: "I have credit cards."
    >IO: "Do you have any relatives here?"
    >me: "Yes, I think I have a distant cousin."
    >IO: "I suggest you go stay with him. Have a nice trip. Next!"
    >Pass by another booth with three IOs surrounding a black guy who is yelling and waving his arms around.

  13. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    >IO: "How long are you staying here?
    >until the police catch me
    >IO: "Do you have a return ticket?"
    >I only purchase one way tickets specifically to piss off immigration agents.
    >IO: "What will you do here?"
    >Hahahahaha.
    >IO: "Where are you staying?"
    >in the swamp with Shrek and Donkey
    >IO: "How will you support yourself?"
    >Alimony from my rich ex wife.
    >IO: "Do you have any relatives here?"
    >do bastard children count?
    >IO: "No they dont. Next!"

  14. 1 year ago
    Anonymous

    It's much worse in the US in my experience, I was barely even questioned when landing in London from Eastern Europe, while the c**ts in Miami interrogated me for 30 minutes after getting there from Madrid with a Euro passport while half the city is Cuban/Argentinian illegals.

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