>sit at the window or isle seat on plane >allow the poor soul in the middle to have both armrests >sit at the middle seat >have to fight tooth and nail to keep my elbows there
Hate these gays. Had a three hour flight and sat middle seat next to a fat and next to a wide black pilot. I'm 6'4" sighsee and I was battling the entire way to not keep my shoulders tucked and hands between my legs.
>lazy cuntgays who sleep on the seats right by the gates or the only windows with a view of the air field >people who stand in the aisle and fuck around with their carry on forever during boarding >people who dont put on shoes to go to the lav >people who stand right up against the baggage claim belt with their entire family even when its crowded and their 4 year old is not capable of lifting anything
fucking gate louse man >crowd around gate area >get in way of people who have actually been called to board >get in the way of the crew who are operating the flight >get in way of people who are just trying to walk past that gate
just sit the fuck down morons!!!
I loved covid so fucking much. Cleared all the retards out of the airports and left people who know what they're doing. Boarding times cut in half, no one throwing tantrums at the lounge desk about how they totally deserve to get in, every window blind shut, a good 3m no man's land around the bag claim, no cunt standing in the middle of the taxi rank wondering why they're being ignored, no suprise that the car rental wants a credit card, no children, very few fats, no groups of women, no entitled old bints, just good honest working men going about their business.
And then the retards started travelling again and it's worse than ever.
>people who stand in the aisle and fuck around with their carry on forever during boarding
This deserves the death penalty. It's like people who get to the checkout before they start looking in their bag for their wallet. Except it's worse. Bitch you booked this flight 3 weeks ago, you packed your bag a good 12h ago, you left home at least an hour ago, you've been standing in the line for 10 fucking minutes, and only now do you think you might like a book, a jacket, a pillow, some headphones, oh not the jacket let me just put that back.
>you've been standing in the line for 10 fucking minutes
naw my dude those morons have been crowding the gate area since before the crew even showed up. they couldve remain seated at the gate and sorted their shit out but nope....
>standing about 2 meters from the baggage claim band, waiting for bag >cunts keep fucking walking right in front of me despite my 2 plentiful meters >someone eventually bumps into my front instead of walking a tiny fucking centimeter closer to the baggage claim band >step in and stand right beside the band until my bag arrives
FUCK YOU I TRIED TO BE NICE DON'T TOUCH ME FUCKING NORMIE FUUCKKK
> the people who line up to board every time > even after the flight has been delayed like 5 times in a row
It takes one lost flight due to retarded announcements for the PTSD to keep you on your feet. Some of these people will have spend $1k+ for connecting flights or face $1k+ if they miss their flight. You can't just rely on the punchable airline staff to notify you in time.
>the sick guy trying his best not to be disgusting while sitting next to a stranger on the plane but he can't help but cough and blow his nose and so he spends the whole flight wondering if the stranger has noticed how disgusting he is or not
During my drinking days I would always try and get the most free booze I could during a flight(they used to give economy more, but never enough to get drunk). I got a 6 hour first class ticket one time, did the same. Big mistake. They asked, and brought me, vodka shots every 15 damn minutes. I was shithoused by the time I got off that plane and I had a high tolerance at the time. Being rich must be awesome, apparently getting cut off isn’t a thing for them
Getting soused on a plane in business is a time honored tradition. Where else can I put away enough expensive scotch to kill a rhinoceros and not be broke? Anyways thread tax:
>The fat bastard who’s adipose tissue flows into your seat like Niagara Falls
>I would always try and get the most free booze I could during a flight
Depending on the attendant Qantas will give out as much wine as I can drink. Just ask for two the first go around and they usually get the picture. As long as its not an afternoon flight full of drunks because they can run put pretty quick.
I had one Cathay attendant fill my cup with scotch. Like she didnt understand how whiskey works and just filled it up like water. I got pretty drunk that flight.
And flying business ive never been cut off. Im not a loud drunk but I can get a bit stumbly, doesnt seem to bother them. Emirates once told me they had run out of cognac, maybe they did, or maybe the cognac was too expensive to pour down my throat, they kept serving me scotch.
Also fuck American lounges making you pay for anything above bottom shelf. Thats some real penny pinching bullshit. If youre not going to get me dunk in the air least you can do is get me tipsy in the lounge.
Getting soused on a plane in business is a time honored tradition. Where else can I put away enough expensive scotch to kill a rhinoceros and not be broke? Anyways thread tax:
>The fat bastard who’s adipose tissue flows into your seat like Niagara Falls
As someone who actually flies first/business almost exclusively, dozens of times per year —I rarely drink on the plane because I'm so health-conscious now, especially with work travel. Especially if it's the start of a big travel stretch, I'm probably sticking with club soda or maybe a single glass of wine with dinner. I usually work out as soon as I get to the hotel unless it's very late.
Now, a night flight back after a series of business trips, yeah, getting good and hammered on prosecco in first is just lovely. Especially if the FA's up front are cool and come shoot the shit with you.
honestly getting absolutely blasted on a flight, business class or not, is a great indicator of "I rarely fly at all" types. I only really drink on flights if it's a vacation flight, you know?
The alcohol is not free on every flight? I've flown a few airlines and they all at least give you unlimited beer and wine, Singapore airlines economy even makes you all the cocktails you want?
In the US generally, no, and on some US airlines on international routes, its not free either. One of the best reasons to literally fly with anybody else.
Maybe they booked a window seat and think they can get their carry-on stowed overhead and into their seat without having to climb over the retards in the middle/aisle seats.
There was a guy across the aisle from me on a flight last night who was playing his ukulele or some stupid little stringed instrument at the gate. I could smell him from 10 feet away.
>the chinks or Poles cutting in line at check in >the Greeks who clap when the plane lands >the fagpackers bringing a blatantly oversized bag as a carryon to take up half of the overhead bin for babies first two week trip to Thailand >the new parents who baby talk their infant in the row behind you the entire flight >the nog who watches black tiktok on his phone without headphones as soon as he sits down >the fat woman who spills her coke all over you (true story) >the guy who wants to switch seats so he can sit next to his bitch gf but was too poor to just pay for seat selection
I would tell him to fucking stop or break his uke so as to do a favor to all the poor people who will have to hear it in the common room at his gay hostel later.
>the new parents who baby talk their infant in the row behind you the entire flight
I would genuinely enjoy hearing that even from a brown couple after growing up in an 'immigrant town' where the darkies just openly beat their kids
All of these but... I helped a friend move across the country earlier this year. >need fo fly back from the deep south to the west coast >only flight I can get goes through Vegas >I know its gonna be bad >yep its all morons >severe weather rolls in >airport does a ground stop, we eventually all get back off >wait for like 3 hours >we finally take off through very rough turbulence >whole flight through the south is rough, flight attendants don't do drink service >I think its funny but the plane full of fat black chicks is completely going bananas between freaking out about the turbulence and demanding that they be given booze >one of them stands up and fucking faints >flights attendants rush to try to revive her >drink service finally starts when we're like 45 minutes out, by that time its calm >they still park the plane in a remote area so paramedics can check this fat black bitch out which takes like 30 minutes >she refuses and wants off the plane >Arrive at my destination almost 5 hours late, missing my train and having to take a $75 uber home
>arrive at Schipol Int airport from an international flight outside Schengen >arrive through the X-Ray >black woman in front of me >her fake $10 LV bag gets flagged >X-ray operator opens the bag >takes out screws, a screwdriver, AA batteries, half-empty bottles, a fucking dry stick, some rusty door handle, crumbled fast food paper, A FUCKING CHICKEN BONE, a small bottle of frying oil and lastly a seasoning bottle
Apparently none of this was severe but they decided to confiscate most of it for obvious reasons, something the negress would not comply with.
I still can’t understand how she managed to fit all that shit in that bag and seemingly nothing else.
>the smug sighseeeller who boards last and has to squash his carry on under his chair thinking he's gamed the system and struggles to get it back out >the guy who races everyone like it's /f1/ to passport control >the guy who walks out of the airport like he knows where he's going to find a rumoured local bus which was mentioned on wikivoyage 5 years ago >the guy who traces the flight on gps in the window seat and makes the phone slightly visible to the middle seat to show off how cool he is >the guy who nurses a 330ml plane beer for €5 as it's too expensive to get another one >the guy who says thanks to the stewardesses in their local language thinking they'll bang him there and then
>>the guy who races everyone like it's /f1/ to passport control >>the guy who walks out of the airport like he knows where he's going to find a rumoured local bus which was mentioned on wikivoyage 5 years ago >>the guy who traces the flight on gps in the window seat and makes the phone slightly visible to the middle seat to show off how cool he is >>the guy who says thanks to the stewardesses in their local language thinking they'll bang him there and then
kino
>>the smug sighseeeller who boards last and has to squash his carry on under his chair thinking he's gamed the system and struggles to get it back out
That's me and yes I will spend the entire 8hr flight rooting my bag, packing and unpacking it to get out single items every time.
when I was 18 and my brothet was 17 we got shit faced on a plane to australia and he banged the flight stewardess bringing us drinks. Having a chad younger brother while being a beta hurts. even a decade later I can feel it.
>the guy who races everyone like it's /f1/ to passport control
I will always do this. Not waiting for the unwashed masses to fill up the hall when I can get their while it's still pretty empty and they are wasting time going to the toilet.
>get on a plane >there's a guy sitting in my (window) seat >tell him to gtfo
what the fuck are those dudes thinking? the seats are all sold out, you can't just get away with changing your shitty isle seat to my superior window view, and no I'm not gonna switch
>people get on a plane >they sit down >more people come >"hey dudes looks like you're in our seats" >oh sorry our bad, let's look around for our seats
this happens literally every time, be it airplane, bus or train. how hard is it to sit in your seat? it literally has a number next to it. how do these people function in real life if the concept of numbers assigned to individual seats is too complex for them?
Protip if you fly an American carrier and they preboard for active duty military you can just board with them they don't ever check. Guaranteed overhead space.
Can’t tell if serious. Assuming you aren’t lying, how mad do they get the other 2/3s of the time? Does this work for short flights only? I figured they would keep tight control of first class seats since they are so expensive
's a guy sitting in my (window) seat
I never pay extra for picking the seat, just leave it all to fate >get lucky with window seat in front rows >board to find a motherfucker sitting in my place blasting music on his headphones >get his attention, ask which letter he has >4D >tell him I've got 4F and that's the window, kindly explain his place is the corridor seat >doesn't believe me, he remains sitting there and arrogantly tells me to figure out which seat is which then get back to him >try to call someone from the crew but they can't come as boarding is still ongoing so the motherfucker stays there for a good 15 minutes >message plays in the plane "please remember A and F seats are window seats" >tell him >pretends he didn't hear it >message replays >get him to take the headphones off and listen >says he's still not too sure >still forces me to call an attendant >finally get him to fuck off from my seat >hear him mumbling something like "ugh why the fuck would you care which seat it is"
It was a 1 hour flight in which i proceeded to fall asleep as soon as we took off and didn't look out the window even once.
>what the fuck are those dudes thinking? >"Maybe this time the guy will be too autistic/tired/sick/mentally ill to confront us and fuck off or take our shit seats."
Also note that in the past some airlines like RyanAir had no seat reservations and the result was mayhem. I absolutely despised it, perhaps even more than the current system because everyone would rush to get the best economy seats and there'd be drama every time.
So maybe these people think that this will still work.
>flying a giant eurotrip >one half ful/half empty 30L backpack, nothing else >aer cunnilingus operated by lazy Irish mongrels so ofc plane lands late >sprint to my gate for connecting flight >last to arrive and the staff whinges at me as if it’s my fault >”sorry eh lads, fucking Irish cunts can’t tell time must be” >mfw they’re all Irish >whatever, go to my seat >bit of a sweat sprinting through Dublin so feeling self conscious >sit t down next to some pajeet >”gday mate, how’s you doing mind if I ram in here quick fast” >ignores me, so I just shove in there >he lets the loudest most nauseating tikka masala fart out >visibly gag, eyes tearing up >put on my spare mask hoping it’ll help >it doesn’t >flight takes off, loud noises >fucking cunt let’s another windy vindaloo shart out >elbow him and tell him to knock it off >ignores me
This. That's why I always fart, shit, piss my pants, cum, and vomit all over myself as soon as I feel the slightest urge to do so. I'm not going to suffer the pain, literally not my problem
>the 25 five-foot cambodian buddhist monks that somehow for some reason is making an international flight and clearly never set foot on a plane who keep bunching up behind you and touching your ass with their whole body since they have no concept of personal space
You mean the guy wearing 4 t-shirts, two sweaters and a winter coat and completely unphased by it? Yeah, that'd be me. I'm also wearing four pairs of track pants.
No, not you. There's always a poorfag or 2 doing that.
They meant dressing up for the flight like wearing a suit, when the real move is to wear your comfiest clothing in First Class, get shitfaced, and not give a shit.
No, not you. There's always a poorfag or 2 doing that.
They meant dressing up for the flight like wearing a suit, when the real move is to wear your comfiest clothing in First Class, get shitfaced, and not give a shit.
You mean the guy wearing 4 t-shirts, two sweaters and a winter coat and completely unphased by it? Yeah, that'd be me. I'm also wearing four pairs of track pants.
I do that since I come from a third world shithole (Mexico) but dressing nice and look like I'm in a hurry has always allowed me to pass through European/US/Canadian customs really fast where they merely glance at my passport, look at me and give me the "go ahead" without any questions asked.
>sit down in my assigned aisle seat >people are occupying the entire aisle as they make their way to their seats >dozens of people pass me, each standing next to me for a few moments >someone is standing next to me, as usual in the last 15 minutes, pay no mind, continue reading my book >silence is broken:"UND VAT VOULD YOU LIKE ME DO MEIN HERR??? STEPPEN OVER SIE?????" >German zoomer cunt with broccoli cut has flown into an autistic rage because I was expecting that anyone who wanted to enter my row would simply say "excuse me" and I would let them through >he thought it was up to me to magically know that he wanted to enter the row and was rude to me because I cannot read minds >he spends the entire flight adding fake HDR to his shitty photos
Just start speaking fragments of as many languages as you can to keep him off guard and guessing what language you're speaking.
That or if you're able to speak German just explain to him, in proper German "In my country, you say 'Excuse' me if you'd like to be let in."
I think the nuclear option would just be to start speaking at him in Chinese if you can muster up a convincing Cantonese sentence.
>Plane allows passengers to board from both front and rear >Passengers in Rows 1-5 for some bizarre fucking reason board from the back and cause a clusterfuck in the aisle as they try to go against the traffic
>high school AP Euro class trip to gay ass Europe >of course it's a trans-Atlantic flight >cute girl from class sits next to me >I got the window seat >she starts to fall asleep and rests her head on my shoulder >nervous as fuck, but also comfy as hell >just let it happen >I just look out the window feeling great >eventually fall asleep too >wake up and she still is asleep >enjoy this sort of semi-cuddling for a bit >memory404 >we in Madrid and are getting off the plane >her and I never speak about it to each other or anyone else >I was too much of a nervous bitch to try to making anything positive out of it >now a 26 year old virgin thinking fondly back to that memory
This is roughly the recipe to convert an American into a public transportation believer. Even if it's momentary some very rare and very cute situational magic can happen when two strangers are stuck sitting next to each other for a few hours. Or also horrible things like rape and murder. But so far I've only experienced either cute and wholesome random encounters or just mildly annoying people that I'd have to tune out.
>Find the one empty terminal at large airport then 12 flights land as you fall asleep >The airport staff who give you scathing glances for being flat drunk when you show up to checkin >The people who don’t manage to close the overhead all the way after spending 5 minutes trying to jam it closed then get up again to fiddle with it >The people who don’t make any effort at all to clean themselves before boarding a flight >The people who can’t figure out which way walking traffic goes in an airport and are like road obstacles in arcade racing games
>Indian beside you asking if he can smoke and irritated when he can't >Bong who needs to talk the entire fucking trip >Asian with a kid who won't shut the fuck up >Mutt who snores >Fat person got the middle seat >person who is super pro mask still who won't stop being a dick >karen episode
>>the guy in the airport carrying a guitar
But the Israeli chicks at the hostel always love my version of Wonderwall!
In all seriousness, though, I have been that guy on a lot of occasions. I play the guitar. I own guitars. I wouldn’t bring them on vacation with me (maybe a backpacker guitar), but I’ve moved with them, and also purchased guitars (and other instruments) while abroad that had to get home somehow. Once I even flew with a guitar as a “touring musician,” although that was a fluke—I’m not a professional and I was just filling in for a friend.
I’ve shipped guitars, too, perhaps obviously, but it’s often just easier as luggage, as well as usually being cheaper.
I rage only at hippie dipshits who try to use them as carry-on luggage on full flights. You know it doesn’t fit up there, dude. Get it off my damned leg.
>the guy in the airport carrying a guitar
So are musicians are just not supposed to travel? Alot of instruments are worth more than laptops and airlines are notorious for breaking shit.
I dunno if it's just me but shit like this annoys me to no end, I don't know why people do it >random person who asks me where their flight is in the airport bonus: they have a very thick accent and which makes it hard to understand >at check in and people ask you how to check in >rando who asks why the plane is delayed and what they are going to do about it >rando who has to feel like I am Customer Service on the plane because they don't understand flying >help confused person out, they now think you are the oracle of all travel >help someone who doesn't speak english out once, now you are their translator for all their impossible demands on the plane like smoking, wanting to change seats to business/first, etc
Probably the biggest annoyance >fly with friends >tell them to check in via their app/online day before >get to airport >DUDE WHAT THE FUCK THE TICKET LINE IS SO LONG! WE AREN'T GOING TO MAKE IT
>family who doesn't know how assigned seats work >they have the whole row taken up >Oh okay I'll not bother them lemme swap seats with you instead >Ass end of the plane >it's also a middle seat
Never again
i've noticed less of these people because i'm the guy with the whiskey mini bottles drinking until i pass out and wake up when we're already there. works every time.
Literally me. Watching movies on a plane is just miserable, I've ruined dozens of great movies by watching them in a hot uncomfortable chair on a tiny screen. The flight map puts me into meditation mode and time flies by.
>the guy reading Heidegger for the entire >8h flight >doesn't peer out once from his book except to take notes >still reading as passengers around him are starting to get out >loudly exclaims 'Oh we're ALREADY there?' >'Boy, time sure flies when you're having fun!'
>Plane is cleared for Takeoff >That sudden moment where the engines roar and everyone, from business travelers to vacationers to children are in awe by the power
>tfw fly to Israel for... whatever, not your business. >group of men and kids stands up before take off, take their normal attire off and dresses up in their black gnomish get up. >sits down as plane takes off, everyone claps >they go around every hour to do some annyoing shit like taking their hats on and off and taking prayer books. This continues for eight hours >arrived at Tel Aviv. They visibly pray as plane takes on turbelance >everyone claps after plane landed >just realized they are praying the whole time for a safe trip.
Still annoying but yeah I guess I can live with that.
Do people do this? I am dreading the day that a failing airline pulls the "Free high speed wifi on every flight!" (Which will inevitably happen) All planes will be packed for of pajeets conducting business and black women doing loud talking to their gal pals.
Delta will have free wifi on all of their flights in late 2023 and 100% in 2024. Better get used to poos and morons video calling on the flight with no headphones.
>book seat in very last row of overbooked, crowded plane >row 76 >know full well that there will not be enough space for everyones carry-on >shove carry on in row 9 right behind first class >watch plebs sweat, pant, and run around like dogs looking for a spot for bag >smugly walk off plane and pick up bag near the exit
feels good
EVERY FUCKING TIME >book cheap seat flight >in back 1/3 of the plane behind the wings >isle or middle seat >dude next to you trying to motion you to stand up and move even though you will be there for the next 5 to 10 minutes while everyone else gets up
Holy fuck WHY, me standing up when everyone in front of me is stuck in line or still sitting down will not get you off the plane any faster. Hell it might actually take longer because less space for the people in front of me to put their backpacks on before moving.
>get in half-empty bus/train/plane >see people changing seats all over to get windows and stuff >too autistic so i just stay in my shitty corridor seat
>At Vietnam customs >Packed full of Seasians and some euros. >Girl in front of my has a fucking miscarriage with blood and shit everywhere >Paramedics rush in front of me to take care of this woman and clean up all the blood >Australian behind me doesn't even understand the situation and thinks I've just allowed 5 people to cut the line >Starts loudly saying "no, no, NOOO" and having a whinge at me for letting people cut the line despite there being an obvious medical emergency several feet away.
Maybe the guy was just tired and pissed off but I still hope he felt like shit after realizing what was going on.
>plane lands >pilot says due to operational reasons our plane is lower priority for ground staff so we won't be disembarking for around 15 minutes >everyone stands anyway
The only thing I associate with airports is suffering. >late planes >missed buses, cancelled trains >queueueueueueing at security for hours some times >having to shit but being at a discusting airport >airport prices for airport quality food >"We know you're here 3 hours early cause we told you, but you'll have to wait 10 mins before boarding to find out your gate ;^)" >"Oh, your bag is 4.3μm longer than our new specification, that'll be 5 million europounds please :^)" >Knowing that despite being tired I'll be spending another 2-5 hours crammed with retards in a flying petri dish, uncomfortable as fuck
Airports/flying is fairly nice if you don’t do it often. It’s like how driving is nice until you have to sit in traffic for a work commute every day, sucks all the fun right out of it. And gets you jaded on the whole experience.
>sit at the window or isle seat on plane
>allow the poor soul in the middle to have both armrests
>sit at the middle seat
>have to fight tooth and nail to keep my elbows there
Why are people like this.
Happens all the time, reminds me of the Jim Jefferies bit
Not my problem that you chose not to pay a little extra to book a seat
Hate these gays. Had a three hour flight and sat middle seat next to a fat and next to a wide black pilot. I'm 6'4" sighsee and I was battling the entire way to not keep my shoulders tucked and hands between my legs.
>not taking the aisle pill
The 5 foot tall Asian girl carrying a big cello on her back and wearing some sort of hat.
>Just like my Animes :3
>the Asians at the tourists sites dressed up in their Instagram kawaii trad dresses and looking really out of place
>the person elbowing you out of the line at the gate as if the plane will go faster
its a prop guitar, he is waiting for someone to smash it for a viral video
>tfw walking down the aisle praying that your not even in the same row as the landwhale about to become an airwhale
> the people who line up to board every time
> even after the flight has been delayed like 5 times in a row
>lazy cuntgays who sleep on the seats right by the gates or the only windows with a view of the air field
>people who stand in the aisle and fuck around with their carry on forever during boarding
>people who dont put on shoes to go to the lav
>people who stand right up against the baggage claim belt with their entire family even when its crowded and their 4 year old is not capable of lifting anything
fucking gate louse man
>crowd around gate area
>get in way of people who have actually been called to board
>get in the way of the crew who are operating the flight
>get in way of people who are just trying to walk past that gate
just sit the fuck down morons!!!
I loved covid so fucking much. Cleared all the retards out of the airports and left people who know what they're doing. Boarding times cut in half, no one throwing tantrums at the lounge desk about how they totally deserve to get in, every window blind shut, a good 3m no man's land around the bag claim, no cunt standing in the middle of the taxi rank wondering why they're being ignored, no suprise that the car rental wants a credit card, no children, very few fats, no groups of women, no entitled old bints, just good honest working men going about their business.
And then the retards started travelling again and it's worse than ever.
>people who stand in the aisle and fuck around with their carry on forever during boarding
This deserves the death penalty. It's like people who get to the checkout before they start looking in their bag for their wallet. Except it's worse. Bitch you booked this flight 3 weeks ago, you packed your bag a good 12h ago, you left home at least an hour ago, you've been standing in the line for 10 fucking minutes, and only now do you think you might like a book, a jacket, a pillow, some headphones, oh not the jacket let me just put that back.
>you've been standing in the line for 10 fucking minutes
naw my dude those morons have been crowding the gate area since before the crew even showed up. they couldve remain seated at the gate and sorted their shit out but nope....
I’m considering switching airlines because my lounge let someone in who clearly wasn’t entitled but made a scene.
>standing about 2 meters from the baggage claim band, waiting for bag
>cunts keep fucking walking right in front of me despite my 2 plentiful meters
>someone eventually bumps into my front instead of walking a tiny fucking centimeter closer to the baggage claim band
>step in and stand right beside the band until my bag arrives
FUCK YOU I TRIED TO BE NICE DON'T TOUCH ME FUCKING NORMIE FUUCKKK
who dont put on shoes to go to the lav
wtf
It takes one lost flight due to retarded announcements for the PTSD to keep you on your feet. Some of these people will have spend $1k+ for connecting flights or face $1k+ if they miss their flight. You can't just rely on the punchable airline staff to notify you in time.
>the sick guy trying his best not to be disgusting while sitting next to a stranger on the plane but he can't help but cough and blow his nose and so he spends the whole flight wondering if the stranger has noticed how disgusting he is or not
This hit close to home
I've seen this range from $15 to $130. $15 maybe but anything over $30? Not going to shell out more than what I paid for my already-overpriced ticket.
I have the coof and flew to see my parents for the holidays. I did not wear a mask. nobody noticed because I am borderline asymptomatic.
that guy hated you anon
>now boarding zone 1, seniors, diabetics, soldiers...
>swamp of people surrounding gate
>american airports
>that guy who gets shitfaced in business class because the booze is free
and that guy is me
During my drinking days I would always try and get the most free booze I could during a flight(they used to give economy more, but never enough to get drunk). I got a 6 hour first class ticket one time, did the same. Big mistake. They asked, and brought me, vodka shots every 15 damn minutes. I was shithoused by the time I got off that plane and I had a high tolerance at the time. Being rich must be awesome, apparently getting cut off isn’t a thing for them
Getting soused on a plane in business is a time honored tradition. Where else can I put away enough expensive scotch to kill a rhinoceros and not be broke? Anyways thread tax:
>The fat bastard who’s adipose tissue flows into your seat like Niagara Falls
>I would always try and get the most free booze I could during a flight
Depending on the attendant Qantas will give out as much wine as I can drink. Just ask for two the first go around and they usually get the picture. As long as its not an afternoon flight full of drunks because they can run put pretty quick.
I had one Cathay attendant fill my cup with scotch. Like she didnt understand how whiskey works and just filled it up like water. I got pretty drunk that flight.
And flying business ive never been cut off. Im not a loud drunk but I can get a bit stumbly, doesnt seem to bother them. Emirates once told me they had run out of cognac, maybe they did, or maybe the cognac was too expensive to pour down my throat, they kept serving me scotch.
Also fuck American lounges making you pay for anything above bottom shelf. Thats some real penny pinching bullshit. If youre not going to get me dunk in the air least you can do is get me tipsy in the lounge.
As someone who actually flies first/business almost exclusively, dozens of times per year —I rarely drink on the plane because I'm so health-conscious now, especially with work travel. Especially if it's the start of a big travel stretch, I'm probably sticking with club soda or maybe a single glass of wine with dinner. I usually work out as soon as I get to the hotel unless it's very late.
Now, a night flight back after a series of business trips, yeah, getting good and hammered on prosecco in first is just lovely. Especially if the FA's up front are cool and come shoot the shit with you.
fag
honestly getting absolutely blasted on a flight, business class or not, is a great indicator of "I rarely fly at all" types. I only really drink on flights if it's a vacation flight, you know?
The alcohol is not free on every flight? I've flown a few airlines and they all at least give you unlimited beer and wine, Singapore airlines economy even makes you all the cocktails you want?
Domestic flights generally limit them
In the US generally, no, and on some US airlines on international routes, its not free either. One of the best reasons to literally fly with anybody else.
?
Got free alcohol when I went to asia a few months back, same with Europe. Fuck are you on about.
Won't even get coffee for free when flying with Finnair and that is my only option for the route I fly regularly.
>plane boarding
>people rush and fight each other to death to get in queue as if they'll get to destination quicker
Maybe they booked a window seat and think they can get their carry-on stowed overhead and into their seat without having to climb over the retards in the middle/aisle seats.
There was a guy across the aisle from me on a flight last night who was playing his ukulele or some stupid little stringed instrument at the gate. I could smell him from 10 feet away.
>the chinks or Poles cutting in line at check in
>the Greeks who clap when the plane lands
>the fagpackers bringing a blatantly oversized bag as a carryon to take up half of the overhead bin for babies first two week trip to Thailand
>the new parents who baby talk their infant in the row behind you the entire flight
>the nog who watches black tiktok on his phone without headphones as soon as he sits down
>the fat woman who spills her coke all over you (true story)
>the guy who wants to switch seats so he can sit next to his bitch gf but was too poor to just pay for seat selection
I would tell him to fucking stop or break his uke so as to do a favor to all the poor people who will have to hear it in the common room at his gay hostel later.
>the new parents who baby talk their infant in the row behind you the entire flight
I would genuinely enjoy hearing that even from a brown couple after growing up in an 'immigrant town' where the darkies just openly beat their kids
The Asian with his shoes off in the terminal clipping his toe nails.
The black child with his mother's phone on full volume playing video games without headphones on
The Mexican family with 4 sicks kids who are all visibly sick with covid and coughing without covering their mouths.
The indian grandmother who stands in the aisles for 20 minutes fucking with their suitcase while they hold everyone up from boarding.
Asians who bring food from home on the that always stinks of fish heads and pickled pig anus
The fucking fat guy next to me who spills into my seat for the entire flight.
The old Hispanic lady that is more perfume than woman that you're stuck sitting next to
The sassy group of black women that will audibly sigh and get disgruntled at a slight hint of a delay or annoyance
That other black family with a bunch of kids that will not stop yelling or crying
The balding dude who you keep seeing put hand sanitizer in his hair as he tries to do a comb over with his bare hands
All of these but... I helped a friend move across the country earlier this year.
>need fo fly back from the deep south to the west coast
>only flight I can get goes through Vegas
>I know its gonna be bad
>yep its all morons
>severe weather rolls in
>airport does a ground stop, we eventually all get back off
>wait for like 3 hours
>we finally take off through very rough turbulence
>whole flight through the south is rough, flight attendants don't do drink service
>I think its funny but the plane full of fat black chicks is completely going bananas between freaking out about the turbulence and demanding that they be given booze
>one of them stands up and fucking faints
>flights attendants rush to try to revive her
>drink service finally starts when we're like 45 minutes out, by that time its calm
>they still park the plane in a remote area so paramedics can check this fat black bitch out which takes like 30 minutes
>she refuses and wants off the plane
>Arrive at my destination almost 5 hours late, missing my train and having to take a $75 uber home
someone in the seat next to me on a plane was using their phone flashlight to read a book when it was dark
>arrive at Schipol Int airport from an international flight outside Schengen
>arrive through the X-Ray
>black woman in front of me
>her fake $10 LV bag gets flagged
>X-ray operator opens the bag
>takes out screws, a screwdriver, AA batteries, half-empty bottles, a fucking dry stick, some rusty door handle, crumbled fast food paper, A FUCKING CHICKEN BONE, a small bottle of frying oil and lastly a seasoning bottle
Apparently none of this was severe but they decided to confiscate most of it for obvious reasons, something the negress would not comply with.
I still can’t understand how she managed to fit all that shit in that bag and seemingly nothing else.
The question is how did she get those past security in whatever airport she came from?
>the smug sighseeeller who boards last and has to squash his carry on under his chair thinking he's gamed the system and struggles to get it back out
>the guy who races everyone like it's /f1/ to passport control
>the guy who walks out of the airport like he knows where he's going to find a rumoured local bus which was mentioned on wikivoyage 5 years ago
>the guy who traces the flight on gps in the window seat and makes the phone slightly visible to the middle seat to show off how cool he is
>the guy who nurses a 330ml plane beer for €5 as it's too expensive to get another one
>the guy who says thanks to the stewardesses in their local language thinking they'll bang him there and then
>>the guy who races everyone like it's /f1/ to passport control
>>the guy who walks out of the airport like he knows where he's going to find a rumoured local bus which was mentioned on wikivoyage 5 years ago
>>the guy who traces the flight on gps in the window seat and makes the phone slightly visible to the middle seat to show off how cool he is
>>the guy who says thanks to the stewardesses in their local language thinking they'll bang him there and then
kino
>>the smug sighseeeller who boards last and has to squash his carry on under his chair thinking he's gamed the system and struggles to get it back out
That's me and yes I will spend the entire 8hr flight rooting my bag, packing and unpacking it to get out single items every time.
>say 'thank you' in language neither I nor the stewardess speaks
when I was 18 and my brothet was 17 we got shit faced on a plane to australia and he banged the flight stewardess bringing us drinks. Having a chad younger brother while being a beta hurts. even a decade later I can feel it.
sure he did
>the guy who races everyone like it's /f1/ to passport control
I will always do this. Not waiting for the unwashed masses to fill up the hall when I can get their while it's still pretty empty and they are wasting time going to the toilet.
>get on a plane
>there's a guy sitting in my (window) seat
>tell him to gtfo
what the fuck are those dudes thinking? the seats are all sold out, you can't just get away with changing your shitty isle seat to my superior window view, and no I'm not gonna switch
>people get on a plane
>they sit down
>more people come
>"hey dudes looks like you're in our seats"
>oh sorry our bad, let's look around for our seats
this happens literally every time, be it airplane, bus or train. how hard is it to sit in your seat? it literally has a number next to it. how do these people function in real life if the concept of numbers assigned to individual seats is too complex for them?
I board after everyone else and sit in a first class seat if available. Works about a third of the time :^)
Protip if you fly an American carrier and they preboard for active duty military you can just board with them they don't ever check. Guaranteed overhead space.
Can’t tell if serious. Assuming you aren’t lying, how mad do they get the other 2/3s of the time? Does this work for short flights only? I figured they would keep tight control of first class seats since they are so expensive
I doubt it works even a third of the time. The FA's who work first class check the seat map and make sure there's no moronS like
trying to score free gibs.
Usually just "hey I think you're in my seat" "oh my bad" then move lol
Obvious larper who has never flown. This would never work if you actually tried it.
:^)
's a guy sitting in my (window) seat
I never pay extra for picking the seat, just leave it all to fate
>get lucky with window seat in front rows
>board to find a motherfucker sitting in my place blasting music on his headphones
>get his attention, ask which letter he has
>4D
>tell him I've got 4F and that's the window, kindly explain his place is the corridor seat
>doesn't believe me, he remains sitting there and arrogantly tells me to figure out which seat is which then get back to him
>try to call someone from the crew but they can't come as boarding is still ongoing so the motherfucker stays there for a good 15 minutes
>message plays in the plane "please remember A and F seats are window seats"
>tell him
>pretends he didn't hear it
>message replays
>get him to take the headphones off and listen
>says he's still not too sure
>still forces me to call an attendant
>finally get him to fuck off from my seat
>hear him mumbling something like "ugh why the fuck would you care which seat it is"
It was a 1 hour flight in which i proceeded to fall asleep as soon as we took off and didn't look out the window even once.
>what the fuck are those dudes thinking?
>"Maybe this time the guy will be too autistic/tired/sick/mentally ill to confront us and fuck off or take our shit seats."
Also note that in the past some airlines like RyanAir had no seat reservations and the result was mayhem. I absolutely despised it, perhaps even more than the current system because everyone would rush to get the best economy seats and there'd be drama every time.
So maybe these people think that this will still work.
I haven't been on a plane in more than 20 years. It sounds like I haven't missed anything.
>flying a giant eurotrip
>one half ful/half empty 30L backpack, nothing else
>aer cunnilingus operated by lazy Irish mongrels so ofc plane lands late
>sprint to my gate for connecting flight
>last to arrive and the staff whinges at me as if it’s my fault
>”sorry eh lads, fucking Irish cunts can’t tell time must be”
>mfw they’re all Irish
>whatever, go to my seat
>bit of a sweat sprinting through Dublin so feeling self conscious
>sit t down next to some pajeet
>”gday mate, how’s you doing mind if I ram in here quick fast”
>ignores me, so I just shove in there
>he lets the loudest most nauseating tikka masala fart out
>visibly gag, eyes tearing up
>put on my spare mask hoping it’ll help
>it doesn’t
>flight takes off, loud noises
>fucking cunt let’s another windy vindaloo shart out
>elbow him and tell him to knock it off
>ignores me
I didn’t enjoy that flight tbh
farting gratuitously on planes is one of life's simple pleasures, anon.
This. If you don't fart you get too much air in your bowels and it hurts a lot
This. That's why I always fart, shit, piss my pants, cum, and vomit all over myself as soon as I feel the slightest urge to do so. I'm not going to suffer the pain, literally not my problem
Aer Lingus is operated by IAG you cretin. Theyre not Irish
I can taste that stinky vindaloo wind on my tongue right now. Yummy
Man I don't fucking know why but these comments have stayed with me for days. I can't stop thinking about them.
lmfao
>the 25 five-foot cambodian buddhist monks that somehow for some reason is making an international flight and clearly never set foot on a plane who keep bunching up behind you and touching your ass with their whole body since they have no concept of personal space
>the frogposter who makes 14 inane threads per day
>that guy at the airport/in the plane visibly overdressed and uncomfortable
Once you were me, and one day you shall be as me.
You mean the guy wearing 4 t-shirts, two sweaters and a winter coat and completely unphased by it? Yeah, that'd be me. I'm also wearing four pairs of track pants.
No, not you. There's always a poorfag or 2 doing that.
They meant dressing up for the flight like wearing a suit, when the real move is to wear your comfiest clothing in First Class, get shitfaced, and not give a shit.
Some people still believe wearing a suit increases your chances of getting upgraded to business class.
I like to dress up, sue me(though a full suit is a bit much)
IMO with no tie + top button undone dress clothes are some of the most comfy clothes out there. All smooth and silky
I do that since I come from a third world shithole (Mexico) but dressing nice and look like I'm in a hurry has always allowed me to pass through European/US/Canadian customs really fast where they merely glance at my passport, look at me and give me the "go ahead" without any questions asked.
That's me but I don't actually carry a guitar, just the case, which is filled with drugs and bombs.
>the guy on the plane who clearly just took a 70 mg vyvanse and is stimming hard
>goes to the bathroom to edge for entire 10-hour flight
Kys
>sit down in my assigned aisle seat
>people are occupying the entire aisle as they make their way to their seats
>dozens of people pass me, each standing next to me for a few moments
>someone is standing next to me, as usual in the last 15 minutes, pay no mind, continue reading my book
>silence is broken:"UND VAT VOULD YOU LIKE ME DO MEIN HERR??? STEPPEN OVER SIE?????"
>German zoomer cunt with broccoli cut has flown into an autistic rage because I was expecting that anyone who wanted to enter my row would simply say "excuse me" and I would let them through
>he thought it was up to me to magically know that he wanted to enter the row and was rude to me because I cannot read minds
>he spends the entire flight adding fake HDR to his shitty photos
I hate Germans so much it's unreal
Just start speaking fragments of as many languages as you can to keep him off guard and guessing what language you're speaking.
That or if you're able to speak German just explain to him, in proper German "In my country, you say 'Excuse' me if you'd like to be let in."
I think the nuclear option would just be to start speaking at him in Chinese if you can muster up a convincing Cantonese sentence.
>Plane allows passengers to board from both front and rear
>Passengers in Rows 1-5 for some bizarre fucking reason board from the back and cause a clusterfuck in the aisle as they try to go against the traffic
>high school AP Euro class trip to gay ass Europe
>of course it's a trans-Atlantic flight
>cute girl from class sits next to me
>I got the window seat
>she starts to fall asleep and rests her head on my shoulder
>nervous as fuck, but also comfy as hell
>just let it happen
>I just look out the window feeling great
>eventually fall asleep too
>wake up and she still is asleep
>enjoy this sort of semi-cuddling for a bit
>memory404
>we in Madrid and are getting off the plane
>her and I never speak about it to each other or anyone else
>I was too much of a nervous bitch to try to making anything positive out of it
>now a 26 year old virgin thinking fondly back to that memory
This is roughly the recipe to convert an American into a public transportation believer. Even if it's momentary some very rare and very cute situational magic can happen when two strangers are stuck sitting next to each other for a few hours. Or also horrible things like rape and murder. But so far I've only experienced either cute and wholesome random encounters or just mildly annoying people that I'd have to tune out.
>Find the one empty terminal at large airport then 12 flights land as you fall asleep
>The airport staff who give you scathing glances for being flat drunk when you show up to checkin
>The people who don’t manage to close the overhead all the way after spending 5 minutes trying to jam it closed then get up again to fiddle with it
>The people who don’t make any effort at all to clean themselves before boarding a flight
>The people who can’t figure out which way walking traffic goes in an airport and are like road obstacles in arcade racing games
>Indian beside you asking if he can smoke and irritated when he can't
>Bong who needs to talk the entire fucking trip
>Asian with a kid who won't shut the fuck up
>Mutt who snores
>Fat person got the middle seat
>person who is super pro mask still who won't stop being a dick
>karen episode
>that guy in the window seat that has to go pee every 30 minutes
>the drunk guy who dropped his Xanax too early and can barely walk to his seat
>>the guy in the airport carrying a guitar
But the Israeli chicks at the hostel always love my version of Wonderwall!
In all seriousness, though, I have been that guy on a lot of occasions. I play the guitar. I own guitars. I wouldn’t bring them on vacation with me (maybe a backpacker guitar), but I’ve moved with them, and also purchased guitars (and other instruments) while abroad that had to get home somehow. Once I even flew with a guitar as a “touring musician,” although that was a fluke—I’m not a professional and I was just filling in for a friend.
I’ve shipped guitars, too, perhaps obviously, but it’s often just easier as luggage, as well as usually being cheaper.
I rage only at hippie dipshits who try to use them as carry-on luggage on full flights. You know it doesn’t fit up there, dude. Get it off my damned leg.
>the guy in the airport carrying a guitar
So are musicians are just not supposed to travel? Alot of instruments are worth more than laptops and airlines are notorious for breaking shit.
I dunno if it's just me but shit like this annoys me to no end, I don't know why people do it
>random person who asks me where their flight is in the airport bonus: they have a very thick accent and which makes it hard to understand
>at check in and people ask you how to check in
>rando who asks why the plane is delayed and what they are going to do about it
>rando who has to feel like I am Customer Service on the plane because they don't understand flying
>help confused person out, they now think you are the oracle of all travel
>help someone who doesn't speak english out once, now you are their translator for all their impossible demands on the plane like smoking, wanting to change seats to business/first, etc
Probably the biggest annoyance
>fly with friends
>tell them to check in via their app/online day before
>get to airport
>DUDE WHAT THE FUCK THE TICKET LINE IS SO LONG! WE AREN'T GOING TO MAKE IT
>that one baby that keeps crying for 12h+
this right here is why i go through so much effort to fly business class or first
>that guy that gets extremely sick during the flight to the point of being in critical condition
don't know if he made it or not
Does the plane have to make an emergency landing in those cases? Or is it only if the victim is in business class?
>that guy who only speaks his native language to the airport staff, assuming they'll understand
>that guy is my dad
i only speak my native language to everyone everywhere i go. maybe i'm your dad.
I saw Noel Gallagher with a guitar case at the airport...so...probably plays Wonderwall too.
>that guy
>family who doesn't know how assigned seats work
>they have the whole row taken up
>Oh okay I'll not bother them lemme swap seats with you instead
>Ass end of the plane
>it's also a middle seat
Never again
>got bamboozled by the most likely fat mexican family
>the dilating trannie in the middle seat
>that guy who thinks if he "boosts my immune system" with some vitamin c he'll avoid getting sick on the gisnt flying petri dish
but if I wear a mask you guys call me a cuckboy libtard
>the swarm of hasidic garden gnomes near the gate
>that guy who takes out his small laptop and watches family guy the whole flight
i've noticed less of these people because i'm the guy with the whiskey mini bottles drinking until i pass out and wake up when we're already there. works every time.
>that guy who spends the entire flight either watching the flight map or playing solitaire
Literally me. Watching movies on a plane is just miserable, I've ruined dozens of great movies by watching them in a hot uncomfortable chair on a tiny screen. The flight map puts me into meditation mode and time flies by.
>the guy reading Heidegger for the entire >8h flight
>doesn't peer out once from his book except to take notes
>still reading as passengers around him are starting to get out
>loudly exclaims 'Oh we're ALREADY there?'
>'Boy, time sure flies when you're having fun!'
I unironically read Heidegger the first time I went to Europe kek
>Plane is cleared for Takeoff
>That sudden moment where the engines roar and everyone, from business travelers to vacationers to children are in awe by the power
>tfw fly to Israel for... whatever, not your business.
>group of men and kids stands up before take off, take their normal attire off and dresses up in their black gnomish get up.
>sits down as plane takes off, everyone claps
>they go around every hour to do some annyoing shit like taking their hats on and off and taking prayer books. This continues for eight hours
>arrived at Tel Aviv. They visibly pray as plane takes on turbelance
>everyone claps after plane landed
>just realized they are praying the whole time for a safe trip.
Still annoying but yeah I guess I can live with that.
>that guy who does a videocall using airplane wifi
>hey lol look you'll never guess where I'm calling from!
Do people do this? I am dreading the day that a failing airline pulls the "Free high speed wifi on every flight!" (Which will inevitably happen) All planes will be packed for of pajeets conducting business and black women doing loud talking to their gal pals.
Delta will have free wifi on all of their flights in late 2023 and 100% in 2024. Better get used to poos and morons video calling on the flight with no headphones.
>book seat in very last row of overbooked, crowded plane
>row 76
>know full well that there will not be enough space for everyones carry-on
>shove carry on in row 9 right behind first class
>watch plebs sweat, pant, and run around like dogs looking for a spot for bag
>smugly walk off plane and pick up bag near the exit
feels good
I have experienced a good chunk of these and want to experience them again. I love traveling (I fucking hate it)
>be flying from vietnam
>need to put ricefarmer hat in overhead compartment
EVERY FUCKING TIME
>book cheap seat flight
>in back 1/3 of the plane behind the wings
>isle or middle seat
>dude next to you trying to motion you to stand up and move even though you will be there for the next 5 to 10 minutes while everyone else gets up
Holy fuck WHY, me standing up when everyone in front of me is stuck in line or still sitting down will not get you off the plane any faster. Hell it might actually take longer because less space for the people in front of me to put their backpacks on before moving.
>get in half-empty bus/train/plane
>see people changing seats all over to get windows and stuff
>too autistic so i just stay in my shitty corridor seat
Let this be a lesson kids if you spend your life watching tranime cartoons you will end up socially tarded
>At Vietnam customs
>Packed full of Seasians and some euros.
>Girl in front of my has a fucking miscarriage with blood and shit everywhere
>Paramedics rush in front of me to take care of this woman and clean up all the blood
>Australian behind me doesn't even understand the situation and thinks I've just allowed 5 people to cut the line
>Starts loudly saying "no, no, NOOO" and having a whinge at me for letting people cut the line despite there being an obvious medical emergency several feet away.
Maybe the guy was just tired and pissed off but I still hope he felt like shit after realizing what was going on.
>plane lands
>pilot says due to operational reasons our plane is lower priority for ground staff so we won't be disembarking for around 15 minutes
>everyone stands anyway
> the kne black guy at an American Airport
I love airports bros
I'm always just so excited when I'm at one, since it's at the start of my journey
The only thing I associate with airports is suffering.
>late planes
>missed buses, cancelled trains
>queueueueueueing at security for hours some times
>having to shit but being at a discusting airport
>airport prices for airport quality food
>"We know you're here 3 hours early cause we told you, but you'll have to wait 10 mins before boarding to find out your gate ;^)"
>"Oh, your bag is 4.3μm longer than our new specification, that'll be 5 million europounds please :^)"
>Knowing that despite being tired I'll be spending another 2-5 hours crammed with retards in a flying petri dish, uncomfortable as fuck
Not excited at all.
Airports/flying is fairly nice if you don’t do it often. It’s like how driving is nice until you have to sit in traffic for a work commute every day, sucks all the fun right out of it. And gets you jaded on the whole experience.
I fly often and experience none of that I guess you are just not good at traveling. Get better
Yep. I don't even travel that much, but I get through airports like a ghost and see dozens of retards like that guy every time
I use to think they were top shit, till I started traveling for work and just got annoyed at them
when I transport firearms internationally I put them in a hardcase inside a guitar case
>that guy on the plane shitting in a Dunkin' Donuts cup and handing it off to the stewardess so he doesn't have to use the airplane restroom
poor soul
>Fly to America
>Everyone claps as soon as the plane lands
>Fly to Europe
>Everyone just stretches and thanks the crew on the way out